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BEING SICK

BRYCE ON LIFE

– What happens when the crud hits you?

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Just recently I suffered from a two week bout of some crud which neither my Doctor or myself could figure out. I experienced night sweats, cold flashes, lack of sleep, and had no appetite. The doctor ran blood tests and a urinalysis on me and everything came out clean. I don’t know what bug this was, but it sure drove me crazy. Some suggested I was experiencing Male Menopause.

As adults, we really don’t like being sick, particularly to some unknown virus like what hit me. It drags us down, and doesn’t allow us to be on top of our game. As kids, if we got sick, we all relished a day off from school and having mom pamper us a bit. As adults though, we really don’t like being slowed down, and it grates on our nerves.

I really don’t think I’m a bad patient when I get sick, I just basically want to be left alone so I can recover. I’m sure my wife sees me as being a bit grouchy and uncooperative, but I generally allow “Dr. Mom” to have her way with me. I’m not one who generally takes a lot of pills, rarely do I take any, but my wife knows what I should be taking and keeps me on schedule. Since I was having trouble sleeping, I decided to try one of those “PM” drugs at about 2:00am. I slipped back into bed, closed my eyes and waited for the drug to take effect. I looked up and it was now 3:00am, then 4:00am, etc. Maybe I wasn’t using the drug properly; maybe it’s intended to keep you awake.

It’s hard to have a good demeanor when you are not feeling well, which is why I try to watch comedies on television when I’m sick. I tend to believe humor puts you in the proper frame of mind for getting better.

I will generally do what I’m told when I’m sick, at least for awhile, but if the virus goes on too long with me, I have to take matters into my own hands and decide to fight the bug down and dirty. This means I try to “smoke it out” with a cigar and “drown it out” with some good scotch whiskey. I figure since the bug had made my life miserable, it was time for me to return the favor.

I never understood why some employees tend to take more sick days than others. I guess they really don’t like their jobs and are actually looking for work elsewhere. Employees need to be reminded that sick days do not represent a free pass to goof-off. Even in a small company like ours, this started to become a big problem; so much so, that we told employees to get notes from their doctor. This seemed to kill the problem.

Let me close with an old joke about diagnosing an ailment. A man goes to see his doctor complaining of “ringing in the ears, spots before his eyes, and shortness of breath.” The doctor was at a loss as to the cause of the problem except that he thought if he removed one of the patient’s testicles, that would eliminate the problem. The man thought this was rather an extreme remedy but after thinking it through he allowed the doctor to proceed with the operation.

Shortly after being released from the hospital the man felt better, but shortly thereafter he started to again experience the same symptoms. Upon revisiting his doctor again, the physician could only suggest removing the remaining testicle. The operation went off smoothly, but unfortunately the man again began to experience “ringing in the ears, spots before his eyes, and shortness of breath.”

Between the loss of his manhood and his condition, the man became depressed and decided to end his life. Before doing so, he thought he would like to be buried in a new suit of clothes. This caused him to visit the local tailor who helped the man pick out an excellent suit. The clerk asked the man if he needed new belt, tie, and socks, which the man agreed to. The clerk went on to ask if he needed a new shirt, and the man also agreed to it. The clerk found a shirt that matched the suit nicely.

“What size shirt do you wear?” the clerk asked.

“Size 15” the man said.

“That doesn’t sound right,” the clerk said, and he measured the man. “You should be wearing a size 18.”

“Nonsense, I’ve always worn a size 15,” the man fired back.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but if you’re wearing a size 15, you’re probably experiencing ringing in the ears, spots before your eyes, and shortness of breath.”

Keep the Faith!

Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.

Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 40 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim’s columns, see:   timbryce.com

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Copyright © 2016 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

Also read Tim’s columns in the THE HUFFINGTON POST

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Listen to Tim on News Talk Florida (WWBA 820 AM), WZIG-FM (104.1) in Palm Harbor,FL; KIT-AM (1280) in Yakima, Washington “The Morning News” with hosts Dave Ettl & Lance Tormey (weekdays. 6:00-9:00am Pacific). Or tune-in to Tim’s channel on YouTube.

 

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Tim is a writer and management consultant located in the Tampa Bay area of Florida.

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