Welcome, visitor!



The USGS that is the United States Geological Society says do not roast marsh mellows over the molten lava that is flowing out of Hawaii’s very active volcano known as Kilauea.  The USGS says the marsh mellows will not taste good when roasted over molten lava.  Now the USGS did offer up this bit of information in response to a question asked by a curious Hawaiian, who was watching the molten lava flow slowly down his street.  So it’s not like they issued this directive without provocation.  But still we think a better answer from the USGS would have been, run.

And the TV show Rosanne was cancelled after its star Roseanne, Tweeted out racist comments.  We’re sort of puzzled by this as it seems Hollyweird is forgetting the lessons of the past.  What they used to do when a star acted up is just replace them.  They could just get another actor and call her Rosanne like they did with ‘Three’s Company’ or ‘Bewitched’ when they got rid of the actors, from those shows.  And, if ABC didn’t think that would work, as the audience identifies Rosanne Barr as the Rosanne the show’s named after too much, they could just have her killed off.  And, they could have used some tried and true things from the past, like a helicopter falling on the character’s head a la Charlie Sheen.  Or just have a regular helicopter crash like they did on M.A.S.H.  In the case of Rosanne, she could have had a heart attack.  That would also have been a good way to send a message about obesity.  A lot of people might have gone on a diet after that.  Come to think of it, this might have been a real missed opportunity here.

Now in the past Hollyweird would dump the offending actor when they asked for more money or were too whacked on drugs to keep working but the paradigm would hold up real well with racist rants too.  With the old way, ABC could have gotten rid of Rosanne, kept the show and all the advertising dollars that come with it.  Of course, if they went with the character dies routine, they’d have to give the show a new name like ‘John’ after John Goodman the Dad in the show.  If the ‘John’ sounded too much like a bathroom or a guy who solicits sex, they could go with ‘The Connors’ which is the last name of the family in the show.  If the new names confused the audience too much and they lost some viewers, they could just call it, The Show Formerly Known as Rosanne.

Dicens simile factum est

Pro Bono Publico

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Don Frankel on EmailDon Frankel on FacebookDon Frankel on Twitter
Don Frankel

4 comments to Eruptions

Leave a Reply