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Of Bombs and Inches

Since we go everywhere, this comes from deep inside the White House, from the Oval Office actually, where we got a hold of a secret recording and made this transcript for you.

Unidentified White House Aide “Mr. President it’s Kim Jung-un again.”

President the Donald Himself “Christ what’s the matter with that guy?  Do I have to?”

White House Aide “He’s called three times this morning.”

President the Donald Himself “Wait didn’t Barron speak to him the last time?”

White House Aide “Yes he did.”

President the Donald Himself “Then go get Barron.”

White House Aide “Yes sir!”

There were a few minutes of silence and then the President the Donald Himself could be heard humming faintly.  “Gonna’ crush Pocahwantus and then CNN.”  Then Barron entered and President the Donald Himself said.  “Barron it’s your friend Kim Jung-un again.  You talk to him.”

Barron “Sure Dad he’s a cool guy.  Then if you let me tell my friends, like the last time, it’s really cool.”

President the Donald Himself “We’ll see.  It depends.  Just remember you’re me.”

Barron “I know that’s even more fun.”

Barron picking up the phone “Hey Kim-Jung what’s up?”

Kim Jung-un  “Oh Trump you old bastard, I read your tweet and you’re wrong mine is bigger than yours.  Mine is twenty three center meters.  Ha ha!”

Barron “What is that in inches?”

Kim Jung-un “That’s nine inches.  Mine is nine inches!  What’s yours Trump?”

Barron “Oh well its eight and half inches.”

Kim Jung-un  “Ah ha!  Ah ha!  That’s only twenty two center meters.  I guess the guy who said you have small hands, knew something.  Mine is bigger than yours.  Go tweet that Trump!”

Barron  “Oh wait…  Do you mean when it gets hard?”

There is a lot of laughter on the recording from inside the Oval Office at this point and Barron continued.  “It gets bigger then, a lot bigger.”

Kim Jung-un  “Very funny Trump, very funny.  But don’t tweet that.”

Barron “I wouldn’t do that.  We’re friends.”

After a little more banter that we can’t repeat here, as this is a family channel Barron hung up and asked.  “Dad can I tell my friends?”  There was a lot of laughter at this point and we couldn’t hear the answer.  We’ll have to follow up on this.

And speaking of Bombs and inches we hope this week’s article gets out to everyone, as we are under the wrath of a ‘Bomb Cyclone’ here in New York City.  We don’t know if the cloud that is the internet, can withstand a ‘Bomb Cyclone’ or the rest of us either.  Please tune in next week, to see if we’re still here.  What is a ‘Bomb Cyclone’?  Well we’ve been told that a ‘Bomb Cyclone’ is when it snows, it gets real cold and there are high winds.  That all sounds familiar, the same as a snow storm or a blizzard even but then we don’t have a meteorologist on staff, so we’re sort of in the dark on this.  But the Meteorologists on TV are almost breathless over this ‘Bomb Cyclone’.  They say there are eight inches of snow.  We went out and measured and it’s less, a lot less.  We won’t say how much less, as we don’t want to embarrass anyone.  And, we can understand the weather guys exaggerating inches, it’s what guys do.  But then the women Meteorologists were breathless over this too.  Then again there are women in this world who haven’t been around all that much.  They don’t watch porn.  And, they believe the men in their life.

Oh well, Bombs away everyone.

Dicens simile factum est

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Don Frankel

6 comments to Of Bombs and Inches

  • Don, I know how much pride New Yorkers take in the Big Apple being the biggest, so I’m sorry to hear about the shortfall. The weather guys here often exaggerate too, predicting inches of snow that usually turn out to be dustings, resulting in more salt on the roads than snow that actually falls.

    “This is a free country: if you don’t like the weather where you live, you can go elsewhere and not like the weather there also.” –Evan Esar

  • Don,

    I knew it would have to happen. With all the banter about whose “button” is bigger, someone would have to take the symbolism and run with it. LOL Just glad it was you and not me. And clever, tying in the inches of snow in NY! Yep, well done. And good luck lasting until the thaw. 🙂

    Mark

  • Don Frankel

    Muse, it’s not so much the lies as it is the disappointment. But what can we do other than move. Miami is on the same coast but it’s hell in the summer.

  • Don Frankel

    Mark,

    Thank you. And, we’re surprised that no one else has picked up on it but then we go where the rest of the media fears to tread.

    And now they are telling us how cold it is. It hasn’t been this cold since… since… well 1994. Guess most of the people tuning in are a lot younger than us as 1994 seems like last week. But rumor has it that it is so cold that hell has frozen over and CNN has the story.

    Don

  • Hey, Don, you don’t know how right you are about hell freezing over:

    http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/us-weather-latest-updates-hell-michigan-town-freezes-cold-temperatures-sub-zero-freezing-a8143936.html

    By the way, you need never tell me to go to Hell — I’ve already been there.

  • Muse, great link. Thank you and now we know. The other thing I heard about hell is. “No one goes there anymore it’s too crowded.”

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